God is good. And He is providing. We got more than planned on our tax return so Chris got me a new laptop, then today we ordered Photoshop Lightroom 3. HUGE step. Thanks Jesus for being cool like that. I am super excited!
I finished a small photo shoot schedule today for the next month or so. Just like with the house I am in planning mode and with that I am praying and declaring (fighting the spiritual battle) and promoting, planning, scheduling, purchasing necessities (fighting in the natural).
It's hard. Not gonna lie. Satan has been using my insecurities against me. Insecurities and feelings of rejection I was for sure were far gone. Each step I started taking toward this God sized vision, the heavier they started coming. Just really stupid thoughts. Thoughts that were not of God, but purely from insecurity. And me having gone through this might be why I especially enjoyed the new Narnia movie Voyage of the Dawn Treader, as it deals with insecurities, and winning the battle of the mind, having courage, being content with who you are, and letting God do only what God can do. If you haven't seen that movie, go watch it! It's.Amazing.
I had to battle these thoughts quickly. carefully. And definitely not on my own. God's truth had to fill me. I had to go back to the beginning. Who gave me this vision? God. Does God not fulfill His promises? Yes. Whose timing am I working in. Oh, yeah....God's. Gotta remember the mustard seed. I can't be afraid of small beginnings. I have felt a lot like the Owen Wilson's character on Armageddon who when ready for lift off says, "I've got that excited-scared feeling....like 98% excited, 2% scared...or maybe it's 98% scared 2% excited..." lol....if you don't know the scene I'm talking about see it HERE Love that movie.
And really. The simple fact that I had this fear of failure gives me the understanding that I know I cannot do this on my own. Which I already knew, but needed a reminder. Thus, fear turns into Trust. And I am humbled once again. His vision is being fulfilled perfectly. In His timing. For His glory. And He is allowing me to participate.
It's. Not. About. Me. Because really, what insecurity....especially that of self-consciousness or rejection says is: I'm focusing on ME. Why would I be focusing on me? Gosh. Thanks for the pep talk Jesus. Back on track. Re-focused. Went back to the beginning. Your vision. You got this. Weight lifted once again.
I prayed for patience when I was younger. Can you tell?
So moving forward. Praying the whole way. Punching the Devil in the face. Fighting my own battles with God's Truth and His Spirit. HE always wins.
Ready. Set. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO